Saturday, February 07, 2004
Livinghigh was here at 11:50 AM /

I don't want to be poor... may be a porn star

I remember the crap I wrote in my ACJ form - something about helping people speak, and reporting faithfully what they had to say... I'm not sure how much of it has changed down the line, I'm not sure if any of it really has. I still believe in that ideal, and yet I don't want to be poor. That's a major conundrum.

I want to be a business journalist, I decided at one point of time - and then Neyha accused me of wanting that because of all the extra perks like sexy lunches at five star hotels and freebies like that... I can't dispute that part either. I like the idea of making good contacts, hobnobbing with sexy people, eating chocolate mousse... I like the idea of partying late into the night, and biting into a portion of roast chicken, and looking up at the stars from a swanky penthouse... I like all that. I think the problem is, that we're all drilled into thinking that all of that is so completely materialistic and unimportant. And of course, ever since I joined ACJ, all that rhetoric has only got stronger. It's like they tell you: you're the voice of the people, the conscience of society... I hate performing under pressure... I hate all that crap. Let people find their own conscience, I don't want to worry about all of that.

I want to be a materialistic, irreverent joker who sells out on journalistic unselfishness.

There, I said it. And it doesn't really bother me overmuch.

I'm going to see DDLJ tonight - that brilliant movie which is all about candy floss and happy romance and grumpy dads who capitulate in the end and tujhe dekha to ye jaanaa sanam... I adore that movie, and I can see it at least a couple hundred times. I love Shahrukh Khan, even if he is gay... I love his attitude, I love the way he shrugs off everything and believes in himself... I think I love him because he believes in himself so very much. An egoist myself, I think I have a special bonding with other egoists. Everybody in my flat is an egoist - and even Sharon who's like an honourary member. Neyha gives this big show of being an egoist too, but I think at heart she's this big softy... I like softies too. ;-)

I haven't had a yummy softy ice cream in ages... swirling vanilla on a crunchy biscuit cone, melting here and there... dripping sometimes, so that I lick it with the tip of my tongue... then swallow a huge portion of it, so that it touches the back of my throat and tingles me... a sigh, and then another long lick, my teeth biting in renewed urgency... I should have been the scriptwriter for a Hollywood porn flick.

Or maybe the star. I think I'd enjoy that better.


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