Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Livinghigh was here at 6:31 PM /


Welcome to the rehearsal. Pack your bag, lock the door, hail the cab and head out. You're on your way, so why on earth does it feel that you're leaving something behind?

Search your mind for whatever you missed, search your bag for whatever you remembered, and yet, there seems something not quite right, not quite there with you. Not just a face you're leaving behind, not just a laugh you've promised to hear again some time soon, some months hence, not just an idea that you spawned here in this place.

But this is just a rehearsal, you remind yourself, and almost sigh aloud in relief. Not the real thing, hurts like the real thing, laughs like the real thing, but you know it's not. Say a slight 'hallelujah' then, and smile to yourself. Keep on waiting at the station and keep on looking at your watch. You're on your way, you tell yourself, and this is just the rehearsal.

Imagine if it wasn't, and you can sigh. Imagine that it wasn't, and you can reach for your phone right now, and send some frantic messages. I don't want to go, but I so do... complicated, yes, but then you already knew that. Extravagant, but then you already knew that too. Think of a million names to call - sadist, lover, friend, - but then they all come back to haunt you. And then, you tell yourself, this is just the rehearsal.

Imagine if it wasn't.


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