Livinghigh: Yellow face
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Livinghigh was here at 9:51 PM /



Yellow face

My mum keeps on examining my nails to see whether she can spot anything the least yellow about them, my grandmum is insistent about noticing the colour of my urine. As disgusting as all of this may sound, I have jaundice. Dare I call it the yellow fever, in my need for hyper-exaggeration? However, this is one time when exaggeration will go against my best interests: I want to go back to Bombay!!!

To think that a week ago, a holiday would have been the best sort of thing I could have looked forward to! But, no, not this kind of a holiday - consisting of lying in bed and counting leaves on the tree outside, and wondering what sort of boiled goop I will be served for lunch, and waiting for that glass of powdered Glucon-D that I must have, every hour on the hour! On second thoughts, counting the leaves on the tree isn't really all that bad a past time, but the truth is, I'm bored! B-O-R-E-D! There's only so much you can do at home, and there's only so much of boiled veggies I can take! It's just been a couple of days, and I'm already dead beat! Looks like the jaundice is doing it's job well!

***

I was driven home today, from my grandmum's place. Silent for the greater part of the journey, I was focusing on old roads, old buildings, old potholes that I've grown up with. A shop missing here, a shop still the same there. Nostalgia is a wicked old hag. Crumbling pavements, vast expanse of green maidaan glinting through the sidewalk, iron grills grinning past as I whiz by. This is the city I grew up in.

Sigh. I miss the sea. I was thinking about the Gateway this morning, and wished I could have been sitting by the ocean. I think I would feel much better, had I been there. I'm not really in a state of melancholia, more likely a state of pause - and a lot of things have been going through my head all day, both past and present, and thoughts about what I could possibly store away for a future. This too shall pass, someone said, and I shall be back in the grime and dust and sea-smells of another city - but for how long, and what then?

***

I'm listening to Classical music today after ages. Edward Elgar on the Nimrod from the 'Enigma' Variations, Op 26, (or so it says on the CD case), a wonderfully haunting melody that they've used on so many Hollywood movies. Something permanent about it. Something linked to destiny about it. There's a part of me that pretends to be a tarot card reader today. There's a part of me today that pretends to be a seer, sitting in front of my computer, listening to the wilds of music, searching for an answer to an unasked question.


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