Livinghigh: Urgh!

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Friday, February 24, 2006

Urgh!

Difficult questions going through my head, so this post is going to be a mad ramble. Anonymous commenters started the dervish, but then, I can't really blame them, can I? Who can I blame? The funny part is, no one really. Even Gibraltar rocks can shake some times, and I shouldn't expect them to be so completely without doubts or fears. Am I making excuses for people because I'm in love, I keep asking myself. Perhaps. Is it a kind of betrayal? More gruesome that mine? Mine didn't have mind. This one apparently had. But who says that mine is lesser of the two? I'm rambling because I'm judging. I'm judging, though I told myself I wouldn't.

The question is: what next? I've made up my mind to go back to things they were. The same old way. Swearing love and allegiance. That part is true, at any rate. I do feel this way. Complete, since we met. And I want it to stay that way.

But...

There's that nagging fear and I can't deny that. That perhaps, a week or two later, I'm going to hear the same issue again. The same fear. I have complexes and insecurities of my own. I'll push them aside to deal with these problems, because I need to. But, I can't deny that sometimes these silly complexes do surface, and they do torture me. I'm no Gilraltar rock, and I have my own shakiness.

I'm praying that it won't be so. That I'll be in love, and I will see that returned. Forever. Doubts, fears, uncertainties will crop up, yes, but that we'll survive all of that. Is that too much to ask for? Too much to hope for? We'll handle it. The other connection will be broken, I've been assured. And I trust and believe. I can't make this relationship work, if I don't.

Now?
...Always

3 Comments:

now that really looked like a mad ramble...

anyways think clear and no complex that comes to the surface will effect you.

By junat, at 6:32 PM

All the best dude. I hope things work out for you :)

By Anonymous, at 11:27 PM

Hmmmm...

Dont let the fears of tomorrow ruin how wonderful today could be. Very difficult to do I know but..

Look at it this way. In either case, its not in *your* hands :) Just hope for the best and play your part!

I do believe there will be just reward in the end ;) Best of luck mate. Cheer up!

jEDI

By Anonymous, at 5:33 PM