Livinghigh: The I-word
Monday, December 04, 2006
Livinghigh was here at 10:03 PM /



The I-word

Suddenly I find myself swamped with Infatuation. I'm the teenage boy again, hooked onto something that feels like his first crush, and I love the feeling. Love hoping I'll get a call, thinking about finally gettting that kiss on my lips, about maybe a grope here, a touch there, a long sigh exchanged after spending four hours together walking by the ocean. And it's Infatuation.

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An explosion of chemistry, and I'm not certain how it came by. That big bad ka-boom that somehow eclipsed the uncertainty and melancholy that I've been reeling under for the last couple of weeks - and for that diversion, I'm happy. I'm happy that the Infatuator has come into my life when I sorely needed diversion and resuscitation. What I'm scared about, is that the Infatuation has suddenly become my reason for smiling and fantasizing. Whatever happened to Love? I fear Infatuation may be trying to kill it...

And I fear that I'm not putting up a strong enough fight. I'm giving in. I'm liking giving in. It's helping me avoid uncomfortable questions like: why is there no phone call? is this going to work? is there still faith? And instead, I'm happy thinking bubblegum thoughts, drinking coffee and flirting across the table, showing Marine Drive, slurping ice cream, kissing in an ATM vestibule - a hurried kiss that mangled brains and thoughts and racing pulses and lips and tongues, but that seems so beautiful nonetheless. Conversations from a cell phone, when a flight is three hours late... and I'm thinking... how long does Infatuation last?

And I hope I don't find out too soon. Not... too soon, please God.



7 Comments:

Yup, soon the infatuation will become an obsession, and then you will need something else to distract yourself from this. No I not bitter. But this is how it always ends up :(

By Blogger Casablanca, at 9:10 AM  

How cute!
I hate you. Show-off :P

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:22 PM  

:) enjoy the feeling while it lasts. even infatuation of this sort doesnt happen too often.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:26 PM  

There are ways ti make it last forever, just live it. Try hard to replicate that feelings everyday. It is impossible, but our minds are capable of impossible tings.

By Blogger Ghost Particle, at 1:08 PM  

But forcing yourself to feel like this everyday if you can't seem to be able to let go of this feeling, will push you into unpleasant situations like bad mood swings where you feel ruled by these feelings. I mean in seconds you could get a high and another a low.
Always remember what Ramona L. Anderson: "People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."

P.S> I just love the way you have put things together on your blog..Like your style so much! :) Merry Christmas and soon a happy new year!

By Blogger AllesAufDemWeg, at 6:23 PM  

casa - o god, no... i dont want the Infatutation to turn into an obsession... no more of those for me, thank u very much!

jups - *sticks tongue out gleefully* lol

black tulip - i know wat u mean.. and i plan to :)

ghostparticle - not thinking dat long term now.. thank god!

ales - thanks for coming by. and merry xmas!

By Blogger livinghigh, at 11:17 PM  

SO Im not regular still I wish to see more of ur writing LOL

By Blogger iamnasra, at 8:49 PM  

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